Introduction to the Introduction:
After Rodney put an end to the horrendous crime spree of the vile villain Hot Sauce, stopping him from burning down all the Taco Bells across the US, One of the head hanchos in the Taco Bell Corporation, business, or whatever it is gave Rodney a grand reward for his heroic deeds. An unlimited free food for the rest of his life. What a reward for such a great hero.
Thus, Rodney, myself, and the dirty hog from France sat down for a delightful meal. The French peon ordered a chimichanga to satisfy his hunger, but what Pierre did not know was that if he bit into this tasty meal it would warp him and everyone at his table into an alternate universe. To a time long ago in a galaxy far far away...
Introduction:
Part One
A Brighter Hope
Total and utter chaos! The galaxy lay in ruins and the evil sith, led by the sinister villain Ganadork and his just as bad counterpart Darth Bradyius.
These two really bad guys have hunted down and killed off all the jedi. It would take a hero of epic and great proportions to stop this evil duo from spelling doom for the entire galaxy....
*************
Where in the blazes were we? One minute we were sitting in a nice booth at Taco Bell, I was enjoying a nice chicken quesidilla and an order of cinnamon twists, when the stupid and yellow peon bit into his stinking burrito thing and transported us into....who knows where.
I turned around to find to guys dressed in black and one with red and strange markings on his face. At first glance, I could not help but notice the strange resemblance he shared with that of a character from an old video game, but that was probably just my imagination.
Since these bozos were wearing black, I decided to ask the obvious question.
"Who died?"
"No one, yet," said the funny looking guy, with the goofy markings on his head, "We want the chimichanga of time your friend is holding."
"And who are you, chubby that we should give it to you?" I asked.
"I am Lord Ganadork, the mighty Sith Lord," said the goofy guy, "and this is my apprentice Darth Bradyius." He pointed to the guy wearing a black robe. It was funny because this Darth Bradyius guy reminded me of the New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady. "Please watch your tongue or we will be forced to take it out."
"Forced to take it, huh? Well if you think your big enough then...." I decided not to finish my statement, largely due to the fact that Darth Bradyius pulled out his red lightsaber.
"Give you my dinner?" angrily shouted Pierre, "that is preposterous! You can go jump in a lake, you will not get my dinner..." before the loud-mouth could finish his idiotic comment, he was met with a blast of lighting shooting out of Ganadork’s hand. The force of the lighting sent Pierre flying into the wall, he dropped the chimichanga and lay motionless. It was the funniest thing I ever saw.
"Do it....hahaha...do it ag..hahaha...again..." I said laughing hysterically. Ganadork actually listened to me and did it again. I was laughing so hard it hurt. I practically wet my pants it was so funny. "Now," getting a hold of myself, "what is so special about this chimichanga?"
"It can teleport people between different dimensions. And when we Sith have control of it, no one in the galaxies will be able to stop us, buwhahahaha!" evilly laughed Ganadork.
"Wow chubby cheeks, did you figure that one out all by yourself? Or did your fruitcake friend help you?" I asked. Suddenly Ganadork became dead serious (and dead ugly too, if you ask my opinon).
"Don’t make me kill you," said Ganadork.
"Why not, you are already dressed for the funeral," I replied, "Awww, isn’t that cute they are wearing matching black outfits. You know, you too make such an ugly couple." Darth Bradyius stepped forward as if he were big enough to do something, but that is when the Great, the Colossus, the King of the Touchdown Pass, Defender of Good, Panther of Power, and the football mastermind himself stepped in. RODNEY PEETE!
"Get behind me, Big L," said Rodney. I was amazed at how unafraid Rodney was, for he was in an alternate dimension in the middle of some whacked out planet, fighting two Sith Lords, wearing their mothers’ black bath robes. "Back off my friend," defiantly spoke Rodney to Darth Bradyius.
"You back off, your mere average human attributes are no much for the power of the dark side," said Ganadork. If only this moron knew who he was dealing with. Rodney could whip him hog tied.
Ganadork fired his force lightning toward our hero, but faster than a snow hare scampering across an arctic plain, Rodney pulled out a football from his back left pocket using his right hand. The football absorbed the energy of the lightning and trapped it inside its radiant pigskin. As Ganadork was confused, Rodney used his free hand to reach into his other back pocket. Then left handed, he threw a perfect spiraling bullet traveling at the speed of sound right into Ganadork’s face. The force from the blow knocked Ganadork backwards thirty feet, flipping him over backwards.
Rodney quickly took Ganadork’s lightsaber and prepared to duel Darth Bradyius. Darth Bradyius’s red lightsaber shook as fear gripped his entire body, for justly scared after watching Rodney dispose of his evil master. Rodney however had a look of fire in his eyes, one I only had seen in the Superbowl (which is another story, for another time).
Nevertheless, the two engaged in a duel that was sure to be a win for Rodney.
After standing still for a couple seconds, each man tried to find a weakness in the other. This was very unsuccessful for Bradyius because Rodney had none. Rodney made the first move, swinging his lightsaber at Bradyius’s mid-section. Barely moving his own saber in time, Bradyius blocked Rodney’s blow. Quickly Rodney brought his blade back out and then he juked Darth Bradyius so bad that the poor Sith almost fell down. Seizing the moment Rodney swung his saber and sliced off Bradyius’s ugly head. The lifeless body dropped to the floor and bodiless head rolled across the floor, with a look of shock and awe forever imprinted on its face.
Since I was a collector of many souvenirs, and had taken something from every adventure, I picked up Bradyius’s head and put it in my bag. When we spent our time in the Mountains of Greenland, I read a book on shrinking heads and developed quite a collection.
Meanwhile, as Rodney and his now deceased apprentice dueled, Lord Ganadork had woken from his up close and personal encounter with death and had stolen the chimichanga of time, and much to my delight, Pierre. If only the poor moron would have known what he had gotten himself into.
Rodney sprinted off after them in hopes of catching the evil Sith Lord, but it was off no use. He was long gone and the power of the Chimichanga of Time was in his hands. In despair, Rodney dropped to his knees.
"I have failed," said Rodney, "I have allowed a great weapon to fall into the hands of the enemy." The words "I failed" coming from the great Rodney ripped my beating and pumping heart right out of my chest. I could not stand to think the thought, as tears began to fill in my eyes.
"Failed you have not," said a strange voice from out of no where. I looked around and spotted a floating blue ghost that looked like Master Yoda from the Star Wars films.
"Rodney, failed you have not. Hope there still is."
"If there is any glimmer of hope, I will cling to it, Master Yoda," said Rodney. I was bewildered at how Rodney knew that was Master Yoda, yet I was also touched by the fact that Rodney would hold onto the smallest ray of hope.
"Good, learn the ways of the Force you must," said Yoda, "combined with your knowledge of the Football, save the galaxies from the oppression of the Sith you can."
"What must I do to accomplish this task, Master?" asked Rodney.
"Go to Zooboomafu you must, there seek out Master Jos Anu, instruct you in the ways of the Force, he will." Finishing this, Master Yoda’s blue ghost disappeared and we set off to find a star pilot to take us to Zooboomafu.
After walking for what seemed days, we reached a local bar or social lounge, whatever they called it. When talking to some of the local, Rodney learned we were on the planet Wheretheheckarewe. The Wheretheheckareweians looked like walking and talking Mr. Potatoehead toys. It was quite comical. Part of me was tempted to go and try to rearrange some of there faces, but I overcame this when Rodney advised against it.
As we walked around the room, all the Wheretheheckareweians followed us with their eyes, which was understandable because we were dressed like no one had ever seen before. Me wearing a blue Panthers hoody, blue jeans, and a pair of Brahma boots, and Rodney wearing a leatherjacket, khakis, and some brown shoes, along with a brown fedora.
Rodney quickly found a local pilot that was willing to help us.
"Name is Small Fry," said the Potato, "I’m captain of the Screaming Chicken. Fastest ship in the galaxy."
"The name is Peete, Rodney Peete," said the Defender of Good, "My buddy and I need a ride to Zooboomafu to attend some important matters."
"Wow that is a long ways off, it will cost you extra," said Small Fry.
"We don’t have any money," said Rodney, "If you give us a ride I will find some way to repay you."
"You should let them go," said another human walking up and joining us, "No don’t let them go, they have no money."
"Oh don’t mind him, this is my partner Kerrie Jon. He is suffering from...well he just has problems," said Small Fry. I could not get over the fact that Kerrie Jon looked like a certain Senator that once ran for President on the democratic ticket against George W. Bush. Oh well, I was probably just imagining it. "I tell you what, I normally wouldn’t do this, but today I am feeling generous, if you let us tag along on your adventure, we will take you. Its not to often that Kerrie and I get a chance to do this sort of thing. Meet us at docking bay 4462 in about fifteen minutes, got that?"
"4462, right, I got that," said Rodney.
With a ride to Zooboomafu and in search of the long lost Jedi Master Jos Anu, Rodney set out to save the Galaxy from its certain destruction. Only a soul as brave and courageous as Rodney would have a hope of succeeding.
To be continued............
After Rodney put an end to the horrendous crime spree of the vile villain Hot Sauce, stopping him from burning down all the Taco Bells across the US, One of the head hanchos in the Taco Bell Corporation, business, or whatever it is gave Rodney a grand reward for his heroic deeds. An unlimited free food for the rest of his life. What a reward for such a great hero.
Thus, Rodney, myself, and the dirty hog from France sat down for a delightful meal. The French peon ordered a chimichanga to satisfy his hunger, but what Pierre did not know was that if he bit into this tasty meal it would warp him and everyone at his table into an alternate universe. To a time long ago in a galaxy far far away...
Introduction:
Part One
A Brighter Hope
Total and utter chaos! The galaxy lay in ruins and the evil sith, led by the sinister villain Ganadork and his just as bad counterpart Darth Bradyius.
These two really bad guys have hunted down and killed off all the jedi. It would take a hero of epic and great proportions to stop this evil duo from spelling doom for the entire galaxy....
*************
Where in the blazes were we? One minute we were sitting in a nice booth at Taco Bell, I was enjoying a nice chicken quesidilla and an order of cinnamon twists, when the stupid and yellow peon bit into his stinking burrito thing and transported us into....who knows where.
I turned around to find to guys dressed in black and one with red and strange markings on his face. At first glance, I could not help but notice the strange resemblance he shared with that of a character from an old video game, but that was probably just my imagination.
Since these bozos were wearing black, I decided to ask the obvious question.
"Who died?"
"No one, yet," said the funny looking guy, with the goofy markings on his head, "We want the chimichanga of time your friend is holding."
"And who are you, chubby that we should give it to you?" I asked.
"I am Lord Ganadork, the mighty Sith Lord," said the goofy guy, "and this is my apprentice Darth Bradyius." He pointed to the guy wearing a black robe. It was funny because this Darth Bradyius guy reminded me of the New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady. "Please watch your tongue or we will be forced to take it out."
"Forced to take it, huh? Well if you think your big enough then...." I decided not to finish my statement, largely due to the fact that Darth Bradyius pulled out his red lightsaber.
"Give you my dinner?" angrily shouted Pierre, "that is preposterous! You can go jump in a lake, you will not get my dinner..." before the loud-mouth could finish his idiotic comment, he was met with a blast of lighting shooting out of Ganadork’s hand. The force of the lighting sent Pierre flying into the wall, he dropped the chimichanga and lay motionless. It was the funniest thing I ever saw.
"Do it....hahaha...do it ag..hahaha...again..." I said laughing hysterically. Ganadork actually listened to me and did it again. I was laughing so hard it hurt. I practically wet my pants it was so funny. "Now," getting a hold of myself, "what is so special about this chimichanga?"
"It can teleport people between different dimensions. And when we Sith have control of it, no one in the galaxies will be able to stop us, buwhahahaha!" evilly laughed Ganadork.
"Wow chubby cheeks, did you figure that one out all by yourself? Or did your fruitcake friend help you?" I asked. Suddenly Ganadork became dead serious (and dead ugly too, if you ask my opinon).
"Don’t make me kill you," said Ganadork.
"Why not, you are already dressed for the funeral," I replied, "Awww, isn’t that cute they are wearing matching black outfits. You know, you too make such an ugly couple." Darth Bradyius stepped forward as if he were big enough to do something, but that is when the Great, the Colossus, the King of the Touchdown Pass, Defender of Good, Panther of Power, and the football mastermind himself stepped in. RODNEY PEETE!
"Get behind me, Big L," said Rodney. I was amazed at how unafraid Rodney was, for he was in an alternate dimension in the middle of some whacked out planet, fighting two Sith Lords, wearing their mothers’ black bath robes. "Back off my friend," defiantly spoke Rodney to Darth Bradyius.
"You back off, your mere average human attributes are no much for the power of the dark side," said Ganadork. If only this moron knew who he was dealing with. Rodney could whip him hog tied.
Ganadork fired his force lightning toward our hero, but faster than a snow hare scampering across an arctic plain, Rodney pulled out a football from his back left pocket using his right hand. The football absorbed the energy of the lightning and trapped it inside its radiant pigskin. As Ganadork was confused, Rodney used his free hand to reach into his other back pocket. Then left handed, he threw a perfect spiraling bullet traveling at the speed of sound right into Ganadork’s face. The force from the blow knocked Ganadork backwards thirty feet, flipping him over backwards.
Rodney quickly took Ganadork’s lightsaber and prepared to duel Darth Bradyius. Darth Bradyius’s red lightsaber shook as fear gripped his entire body, for justly scared after watching Rodney dispose of his evil master. Rodney however had a look of fire in his eyes, one I only had seen in the Superbowl (which is another story, for another time).
Nevertheless, the two engaged in a duel that was sure to be a win for Rodney.
After standing still for a couple seconds, each man tried to find a weakness in the other. This was very unsuccessful for Bradyius because Rodney had none. Rodney made the first move, swinging his lightsaber at Bradyius’s mid-section. Barely moving his own saber in time, Bradyius blocked Rodney’s blow. Quickly Rodney brought his blade back out and then he juked Darth Bradyius so bad that the poor Sith almost fell down. Seizing the moment Rodney swung his saber and sliced off Bradyius’s ugly head. The lifeless body dropped to the floor and bodiless head rolled across the floor, with a look of shock and awe forever imprinted on its face.
Since I was a collector of many souvenirs, and had taken something from every adventure, I picked up Bradyius’s head and put it in my bag. When we spent our time in the Mountains of Greenland, I read a book on shrinking heads and developed quite a collection.
Meanwhile, as Rodney and his now deceased apprentice dueled, Lord Ganadork had woken from his up close and personal encounter with death and had stolen the chimichanga of time, and much to my delight, Pierre. If only the poor moron would have known what he had gotten himself into.
Rodney sprinted off after them in hopes of catching the evil Sith Lord, but it was off no use. He was long gone and the power of the Chimichanga of Time was in his hands. In despair, Rodney dropped to his knees.
"I have failed," said Rodney, "I have allowed a great weapon to fall into the hands of the enemy." The words "I failed" coming from the great Rodney ripped my beating and pumping heart right out of my chest. I could not stand to think the thought, as tears began to fill in my eyes.
"Failed you have not," said a strange voice from out of no where. I looked around and spotted a floating blue ghost that looked like Master Yoda from the Star Wars films.
"Rodney, failed you have not. Hope there still is."
"If there is any glimmer of hope, I will cling to it, Master Yoda," said Rodney. I was bewildered at how Rodney knew that was Master Yoda, yet I was also touched by the fact that Rodney would hold onto the smallest ray of hope.
"Good, learn the ways of the Force you must," said Yoda, "combined with your knowledge of the Football, save the galaxies from the oppression of the Sith you can."
"What must I do to accomplish this task, Master?" asked Rodney.
"Go to Zooboomafu you must, there seek out Master Jos Anu, instruct you in the ways of the Force, he will." Finishing this, Master Yoda’s blue ghost disappeared and we set off to find a star pilot to take us to Zooboomafu.
After walking for what seemed days, we reached a local bar or social lounge, whatever they called it. When talking to some of the local, Rodney learned we were on the planet Wheretheheckarewe. The Wheretheheckareweians looked like walking and talking Mr. Potatoehead toys. It was quite comical. Part of me was tempted to go and try to rearrange some of there faces, but I overcame this when Rodney advised against it.
As we walked around the room, all the Wheretheheckareweians followed us with their eyes, which was understandable because we were dressed like no one had ever seen before. Me wearing a blue Panthers hoody, blue jeans, and a pair of Brahma boots, and Rodney wearing a leatherjacket, khakis, and some brown shoes, along with a brown fedora.
Rodney quickly found a local pilot that was willing to help us.
"Name is Small Fry," said the Potato, "I’m captain of the Screaming Chicken. Fastest ship in the galaxy."
"The name is Peete, Rodney Peete," said the Defender of Good, "My buddy and I need a ride to Zooboomafu to attend some important matters."
"Wow that is a long ways off, it will cost you extra," said Small Fry.
"We don’t have any money," said Rodney, "If you give us a ride I will find some way to repay you."
"You should let them go," said another human walking up and joining us, "No don’t let them go, they have no money."
"Oh don’t mind him, this is my partner Kerrie Jon. He is suffering from...well he just has problems," said Small Fry. I could not get over the fact that Kerrie Jon looked like a certain Senator that once ran for President on the democratic ticket against George W. Bush. Oh well, I was probably just imagining it. "I tell you what, I normally wouldn’t do this, but today I am feeling generous, if you let us tag along on your adventure, we will take you. Its not to often that Kerrie and I get a chance to do this sort of thing. Meet us at docking bay 4462 in about fifteen minutes, got that?"
"4462, right, I got that," said Rodney.
With a ride to Zooboomafu and in search of the long lost Jedi Master Jos Anu, Rodney set out to save the Galaxy from its certain destruction. Only a soul as brave and courageous as Rodney would have a hope of succeeding.
To be continued............
1 comment:
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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